Round 3

Did anyone else notice that I've put this in rounds. The heavier you are the more rounds you get to go unless you get a K.O. I will be honest and say I'm a light weight ( 125 ). But here I am put against much more talented and "experienced" people.

So we are in Philly. Ahh the city of "brotherly love"... can anyone say bullshit? At first it was an OK deal. Right off it was decided that we would enter a trial of methotrexate and vinblastine. I am sure I did not spell these chemo's right. I had hope and so did G. We were told of the side effects. Nausea, puking, hair loss. I didn't care about those things, I just wanted to stop and kill the tumors. First dose of chemo nothing, 2nd dose... well let's just say 3 hour trip home was unpleasant. She got very sick. She threw up everywhere and she ended up pooping herself. That alone killed her spirit. I was better prepared for the next round. I brought the throw up bucket ( it's still in my car ). I also took to speeding. I do not recommend this to anyone. I knew that if she had to go... she meant it. So I went real fast. I did get stopped once...83 in a 65. The trooper started his "talk" and I just said listen I got 2.5 hours to get home before she starts to throw up and has bad poops. If she does any of these things you are going to help me clean up the car. He tried to tell me that speeding with her in the car was worse. I said if your a parent who just gave your child chemo and she poops herself that is worse. I said so give me my ticket so I can go. He shuffled back and forth and said I can't. Please drive safe. I said Thanks and I do... always. I could race cars at this point. I can find an opening and go, I can drive on the sides ( also not recommended). When she woke up one day and a huge hunk of hair come out, I went out and chopped my hair off. It was the first time in a long time I had real short hair. I figured if she was going to lose her hair, so was I. She never did lose any more. She was on this chemo mix until her scans 3 months later. No change so we did another 3 months. This time there was change. Those tumor bastards grew. I was crushed and so was G. We then had to wait 3-6 months before they could try anything else. This pissed me off. During this time the tumor on her C spine had grown and I had a "mommy" feeling. I fought with the surgeon and won. He was for waiting 3 months, I wasn't. He did the operation and he came out to tell me I made the right call. What the MRI didn't show was that it had budded. Meaning another 3 months and it would of gone into her spine and been to late. At this time I respected our ONCO. I will call her bitch... because I can and she is. I was still going through a divorce and it wasn't easy. Everything I wanted to do, he filed a court order and I had to go to court to get her treatment. He was a dick then. He isn't anymore. He respects me and what I've done. He don't ask questions anymore, as he trust me to make the right choice and I can talk to him now. It's nice. It took us years to get to this point. We both made mistakes but we came along way.

I really am trying to pick through my head for how things went. They get jumbled up. So many hospital stays, so many holidays spent in the ER, so much. Our next drug was R115777. This to failed in 6 months. We had ports in and ports out. G has one now and it's not coming out as she has no veins in her arms anymore that can be used. After the R one we did Thalidomide. This failed in 3 months. Oh yes and the 3-6 month waits between drugs. So months went to years. G started to have belly issues. She couldn't poop. heavy doses of laxatives didn't work. She would scream in the bathroom trying to go. More MRI's. I can read them now and that sucks. But even I could see the tumors in her belly. The Surgeon agreed that she needed surgery on her belly. For some reason to this day I don't know why that bitch onco refused to allow it, or say it was in her head. I have MRI's and x-rays to prove it wasn't. So it happened we were again admitted to the hospital for belly pain, not being able to shit. And the next thing I know G is on suicide watch. I went from mad to pissed off in 1 second. I made calls, I asked the Dr's to please come in the room and I did my G proud. I fought like a mom should. I then told them I was leaving and taking her to a different hospital as they couldn't seem to understand shit. I was told that I could go but she couldn't. OH this is my favorite part. I said want to bet. I was then told they were going to get there guards. ( OH THIS SCARED ME...NOT) I said great...I pulled out my phone and said I am calling the real cops and um yeah I am filing charges of kidnapping and holding us against our will. And when the real cops got there, they would make there "guards" care my bags to my car and take them out in handcuffs. Gee we got discharged. I took my kid home. I was fine until I got 25 miles from home. I had to pull over where I was so sick I couldn't stop. This is when my cell phone starts ringing. G answered very happy and said Mommy can't talk right now, she is throwing up in my puke bucket. So this went on for a good hour. I thought I was over throwing up so I started to drive again. I get as far as 3 miles from home and I am pulling over again. Yes I was sick yet again. I was crying, throwing up. I was at that point in break down. I managed the last 3 miles, where in my drive way I am sick again, throwing up, crying. G just went happily into the house. I did something then I normally don't do. I went in I took a zofran and I medicated. ( I took xanax ) I then climb in bed and bawled. I was broken. All I could think of is how was I going to get G fixed. I did something I always do... I called my Daddy. Let me tell you a little about my Dad. He had his first heart attack at 49. They gave him 7 years. He lived over 20 years more. He was my best friend. He was always there for me. ALWAYS. I was and always will be a Daddy's girl. No matter what he was always there for me. He has spent weeks staying at my home. He was a great Dad and I hope to be as good as a mother. He said to me calm down, get some sleep and then tomorrow... make them all pay. Get G to a head shrinker, so they know she is sane, get another hospital to look at her MRI's. But right now sweetie go to sleep. Then he asked the question he always did. Do you need Daddy to come. I said not now but later yes. I am going to tell you something else about my Dad. Every time G had a problem, so did he. He got worse every time she did. Like I said before there was this bond between them. If he went in the hospital it was only a matter of time before she went and vis versa. At one time I was going between 2 hospitals. I threatened to have them put in the same hospital so I didn't have to travel. I am done for tonight... this is like purging something bad out of your system. It needs to be done in steps.