Gleevec is it a cure?

So The big hype now is Gleevec. I will admit I wasn't even going to look into it as we have been "there" way to many times and have way to many fucking t-shirts. Yet I did look into, searched it, talked to many Dr.'s about it and jumped an adult Oncologist about it. I did all my homework and it all came back to give it a try. I jumped through hoops to get it and I got it for G. I didn't want to get my hopes up as like I said we have been down the road to many times. I got my hopes up... damn it. I know how this will end, me curled in a fetal ball, crying hysterically on my bathroom floor, throwing up. Yes I am human and I cry. I know a lot of people consider me " hard", nothing could be further from the truth. Yes I am strong, but when I am alone or had 1 drink to many I am more open and honest. So anyway back to the Gleevec. It costs $3,700. I am not shitting! Thankfully my insurance paid for it. But it got me thinking about those people who don't have insurance and could never be able to afford this. It pissed me off. Those damned drug makers are assholes. I guess only the Rich gets to live. Oh and because I am on a rant.. Hey America how do you like your new president? How dare anyone tell my Dr how they can treat MY kid. How would those idiots know how too? I think they should leave medical care to those people who went to school for 10+ years. My Dr earned the right to treat my kid. Bunch of political assholes. I don't give a shit who you are but if you screw with one of my kids... watch the hell out. I'll have you gutted before you know what hit you. I keep getting off track... Gleevec. G seems to be handling it well. We go tomorrow and get labs done. 5 days on the stuff so we will see how her counts look. I know I shouldn't of gotten my hopes up, I will only get screwed over and then I will be pulling myself out of a pity hole. Thankfully I didn't get G's hopes up. I couldn't stand to see her get crushed again. I'd rather get crushed then her.

My daughter lives in her own world. It must be a real great place as she is always there. I wish I could go there at times. When I first realized she made a make believe world I tried to bring her back out. I tried to bring her back to me. My shrink ( yes I have one.. he tells me I am sane and one hell of a mom ) told me that why would I do that to her. So I let her live in that world. She don't like kids her age as they judge. She prefers small kids or some adults. She hates when people stare at her. If I catch them I normally ask what the fuck there looking at? Have they never seen a child with tumors? I know I am such a bitch but walk a day in my shoes and see how you are at the end of the day.

I guess my plan is to start at the beginning and go from there. I will skip around, I will rant and yes I will swear. I'll tell it like it is. NO child should read this. It's not for kids. It really is for me and a "safe" place to put what it's like to go through this. It's a place where I don't have to worry about watching what I say. Things will get graphic as you see with just some of her MRI's. If you think those are bad you should see the others. I will be posting other pictures of what happened after her belly surgery. I almost lost her... I tried everything after that surgery to bring her back to me and nothing. You know what brought her back? A dog... yes a dog. The therapy dog came into her room jumped on the bed ( there not supposed too ) and licked her hand. She came back and that dog stayed on her bed for half an hour. He came back a day later and did the same thing. The dog still has his job don't worry. The nurses looked the other way or some came and told him what a good dog he was. He was a good dog. He knew his job well. So when she went for chest and arm surgery she was in PICU... no dogs allowed... I got her into a room so she could have her dog visitors. She was also able to kick me in the ass. No really she kicked my ass. She wanted the vent off, and kept kicking me till they took it out. If a kid can kick there parents ass, they don't need a vent. I hope to teach someone something. Maybe compassion or maybe just let someone know there not alone. I know I feel alone at times and it sucks. I am so grateful for those who got behind my wall... even though one of them sneaked there but I am very grateful he did. He knows who he is the sneaky turd ( HUG) and now he is stuck with me! I can count on one hand who I can go to, the sad thing is they are not related to me at all, except they are in my heart. OH and yes I will call the idiot who lives in my home that. He is an ass, he only wants me so he isn't alone. I stay for G.. She loves him...well I guess someone has too. But oh what a day it will be if anything happens to her. I've said before I would do anything for my kids and looks like I am.